Saturday, May 16, 2009
was it really just a year ago that i was at your bedside saying goodbye?
the dull throaty feeling is gone when I think about you, but it's been replaced by a shadowy soft sadness that is always there in the background, like a whisper.
I think it's what's left of the imprint you've left on my heart and when I think about you, it's like a scar, the pain is gone, but I still feel it and the memory is sweetly sad.
there have been so many countless moments when I've wanted to talk to you,
When I wanted you to just hold my hand again and mimi...oh daddy i miss you so
With you lie all the memories of my girlhood.
my memory is filled with visions of running through the dewy grass of your fresh cut lawn, dappled sunshine under your grapevines, watching you eat a tomato like an apple, bbq dinners on the red and white patio, walking at twilight,
bike rides and soft icecream cones,
the grassy beaches of Lake Erie when we were camping
sitting around the fire
I miss your story telling, and how we'd always miss the punch lines because you'd already be laughing so hard that we didn't understand you...
I miss the days of you me, Jenny and the "dinggy" at Rondeau
Hearing the explosion of your Ford each morning when you started it and knowing it scared all the neighbour kids
I miss your silly songs and even your lectures about Greece
I know that you'd just love getting to know Lucas, Max and Carter more each day,
especially since I see so many glimpses of you in them
I wish that I could still thank you again and again,
for giving me such a rich childhood and for raising me right
for driving home the values of respect, to love mom and my family, hard work, integrity, loyalty, forgiveness, laughter, faithfulness... and grace
and if I could go back and do anything over...
I would make sure that you were as much a part of my early adulthood as you were my early years
I'd live more like I hope I am now,
with a painful awareness that each and every day is a gift, and that I should make the most of each moment and love the people in my life because here i am, and it's already been 365 days, and it feels like I just said goodbye yesterday...
I'll never stop loving you, and I'll never forget you,
I will see you again, and until then, I know that as you see me from that "great cloud of witnesses" you are full of the Glory of the One who will help me run this race with endurance.