Saturday, January 23, 2010

The Arms of Grace

Strength... a few weeks ago my sister told me she thought I was one of the strongest people she knew, and at that minute I thought to myself, "if you only knew how weak I really am"...

At the time I felt so overwhelmed by everything that was bigger than me - which really was everything. But now in retrospect, i see that I really do try to be strong, try to "hang in there" when I don't know what to do, what to say, who to be... in that not knowing I feel truly exposed, vulnerable, weak - definately NOT strong.

Not that its a problem being weak, I know this in the deepest part of me, when i take a breath and "be" - because in my own strength I fail - every single time. I fail a lot. I am pretty strong, and that's why I fail. I want to learn to not dislike failing so much, mostly because i do it so often, but also because it's the only way I can truly live.

I fail right into the arms of Grace. God's grace which is sufficient for me. He is always my help, my wisdom, my strength, my answer. His strengh is made manifest when I fail, when my weakness is exposed and when I am humbled again and again. Less of me, more of Him, and yet i fight it every time.

Right now at this moment, He is my very breath, the One who sees the tears, the one who hears my cry, my very present help. The one who hides me and holds me -

I live with Him in the shelter of the Most High and rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." He will save me, He covers me with his feathers, and under his wings I find refuge; His faithfulness is my shield and rampart.

The strong Arms of Grace hold me...

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